(Grand)Father’s Day   1 comment

Reading one of my very favorite writers this morning: http://keepthecoffeecoming.wordpress.com/( trying to catch up),Kat always touches me deeply with her insight to the people who have shared her life. Yesterday was a bittersweet day around here, the dolls were all here for Father’s day and I am so happy to share in these celebrations. In reading her post about her father, memories of my grandfather came flooding back. Although I think of him everyday, it is usually an isolated memory . I had hoped to write a bit about him but it is not to be–I cannot control the tears today.

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Posted June 16, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

nature teaches   1 comment

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time nor the river

wait for me

but in this 

moment

i am truly 

in this moment

watching the bee

on the bud

effortlessly 

communing

consummating

and closing

 

 

 

Posted May 21, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

Oh how I love the words and thoughts and pictures of e.e.cummings   Leave a comment

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Posted May 17, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

Lord knows, I’ve paid some dues   2 comments

ever had one of those times where you start crying

for no apparent reason?

i have been upset for a couple of days

about something i did 

it comes with no warning 

and i am at a loss for how to deal with it

i told a secret that i have held for 32 years

the details anyway, names and specifics

i understand that it does no good to 

feel bad, to regret doing something

it is done

what i want to know is why i did this

i certainly do not feel any relief

and i know that i have changed the way

the person i told now feels about those involved

i keep asking myself if this is why i did it?

it must be

perhaps i wanted to assure this person that the hurt she felt

because of this other person was justified

that she had done other, worse things to hurt people

this seems so petty

isn’t it strange how we all think we are above doing such things

until we do them

I long to call her and tell her how sorry i am that i did this

but it will not change anything

i also think i only want to do this

to somehow justify why in the world i would do such a thing

i am really trying to deal with many things from my past

trying to piece the puzzle of my life together

figure out how i got to this point

all of us are the sum of our experiences 

unfortunately some of those experiences are lost 

only to come barreling seemingly out of nowhere

at any given time

i wonder if others have these sudden memories

the ones that seem so foreign

that at first you are sure it is something you read or saw in the movies

a  deja `vu moment

but then you feel it

when it is bad,

when you feel that stab in your chest

the cold chill that warns you

and you feel it

and you see it through your eyes

and then you know

how you felt when it was over

some things

no, many things

are better left in the abyss

that is repression

“The only thing I knew how to do, was to keep on keepin’ on like a bird that flew .”

 

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Posted April 8, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” ~ Charles Dickens   Leave a comment

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 an unexpected smile

asking how something makes you feel

a hand on your shoulder

a whisper that says ‘it will be alright’

a long silent pause, allowing you to speak

a long tight hug

Posted March 29, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

life lessons   1 comment

If someone asked you today to share one of your life lessons, what would come to mind?

It has recently come to my attention that I share stories from my life very often, too often. I do not know if I do this to share a lesson, or just to talk about myself. This really bothers me and I need to figure it out. I would like to step out of myself and listen. What the hell do I talk about on a regular basis?

I am trying to remember people (relatives) from my youth who used to do this–tell the same stories over and over. I do not know many ‘family stories’. I know very little of my mother’s childhood and my grandparents lives, even less of my father’s. Most of the stories I can recall have to do with places. I cannot recall stories being shared with me to teach me morals or ‘lessons’. Perhaps it was mostly a generational thing; not sharing your mistakes or lessons that you learned the hard way. or maybe it was just the ‘way’ my (grand)parents were raised? My grandfather taught me how to do things, and what behavior was expected. I now realize that if I asked him questions he would answer, but it took me more than 3/4 of his lifetime to learn to ask the correct ones. I realize my Mother’s time is shortening. I still have no idea what to ask her, trying to imagine what I do not know about her is difficult. 

I could make my own game, I fear. Sitting at the table with my daughters, I could begin any story from my life and I have no doubt 2 out of 3 of them could continue the whole thing for me. Why have I done this? And more importantly is there anything to be learned from these stories? Are they just anedotes of a simple life? Or worse; boring bragging of a dull life? 

I am seriously going to pursue this.

Posted March 29, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

ahh   Leave a comment

 

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W. B. Yeats

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.

                                      

Posted March 14, 2014 by splendidone in Uncategorized

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