Autumn leaves make my heart glad
the red orange and gold leaves
fall like stars from the sky
protecting and nourishing the earth
reminding me of the dark time approaching
Nothing fills the pain in my chest
like the glorious blue October sky
as everything else turns inward for the season
the bright blue sky shines and reminds me
there is always a blanket of hope
a promise of light
blue skies smiling at me
“Beauty is one of the rare things that do not lead to doubt of God.”
~ Jean Anouilh
I am amazed at how far behind I have become here.
Summer is a busy time, yet I have had many thoughts I felt the need to write down, and I am sad that I have not done this.
So here I am thinking of Autumn, my time of year.
Chilly tonight and I can feel it in my bones.
I have been busy sweeping the cobwebs from my home.
Autumn has always energized me, whereas most people feel this way in the Spring.
Reading one of my very favorite writers this morning: http://keepthecoffeecoming.wordpress.com/( trying to catch up),Kat always touches me deeply with her insight to the people who have shared her life. Yesterday was a bittersweet day around here, the dolls were all here for Father’s day and I am so happy to share in these celebrations. In reading her post about her father, memories of my grandfather came flooding back. Although I think of him everyday, it is usually an isolated memory . I had hoped to write a bit about him but it is not to be–I cannot control the tears today.
ever had one of those times where you start crying
for no apparent reason?
i have been upset for a couple of days
about something i did
it comes with no warning
and i am at a loss for how to deal with it
i told a secret that i have held for 32 years
the details anyway, names and specifics
i understand that it does no good to
feel bad, to regret doing something
it is done
what i want to know is why i did this
i certainly do not feel any relief
and i know that i have changed the way
the person i told now feels about those involved
i keep asking myself if this is why i did it?
it must be
perhaps i wanted to assure this person that the hurt she felt
because of this other person was justified
that she had done other, worse things to hurt people
this seems so petty
isn’t it strange how we all think we are above doing such things
until we do them
I long to call her and tell her how sorry i am that i did this
but it will not change anything
i also think i only want to do this
to somehow justify why in the world i would do such a thing
i am really trying to deal with many things from my past
trying to piece the puzzle of my life together
figure out how i got to this point
all of us are the sum of our experiences
unfortunately some of those experiences are lost
only to come barreling seemingly out of nowhere
at any given time
i wonder if others have these sudden memories
the ones that seem so foreign
that at first you are sure it is something you read or saw in the movies
a deja `vu moment
but then you feel it
when it is bad,
when you feel that stab in your chest
the cold chill that warns you
and you feel it
and you see it through your eyes
and then you know
how you felt when it was over
no, many things
are better left in the abyss
that is repression
“The only thing I knew how to do, was to keep on keepin’ on like a bird that flew .”